18 Months

As of September 24th, I’ve been sober 18 months. I was hoping to do some sort of retrospective letter to my newly sober self, a la Off-Dry, but I’m feeling too disorganized for that. Maybe I’ll try again when I have two years. For now, here are some quick, sobriety-related developments :

  1. My guy and I got engaged. A year and a half ago, I didn’t quite believe this would ever happen. I wanted it to happen, but it seemed like there were all these big obstacles standing in our way. Turns out, the only real obstacle was me being an active alcoholic! Stay tuned for updates on being a sober bride.
  2. I still go to AA but am feeling less dependent on it. I also switched sponsors. I could write a long, emotional entry about my current feelings around AA, but it seems like I’m in a transitional period of some sort, so I’ll wait until things settle down. I’m interested in hearing from others, though–how has your relationship with AA changed throughout your recovery? Or if AA isn’t a part of your recovery, what do you do instead?
  3. I rarely crave alcohol anymore. When I’m hungry or tired, I’ll sometimes have some nostalgic feelings around getting buzzed, but for the most part, I have no desire to actually drink. I’m even sober in my dreams. Well, almost. I had a dream where I was hanging out with Mary Kate Olsen and told her I didn’t drink, but then I asked if she had any coke. So not totally there, but further along than when I was dreaming on a weekly basis that I was still secretly drinking.
  4. I’m on Twitter. When I was drinking, I had to essentially ban myself from social media because I kept doing dumb, drunk shit. But now that I can trust myself not to black out and post incoherent rants about Occupy Wall Street, I’m trying it out again. My other problem with social media is that it tends to trigger my addictive impulses (surprise!). I’m trying not to be too hard on myself around this. I consider myself openly sober online, meaning I don’t want to hide my sobriety. But I did remove an article I wrote for The Fix from my website after an old student started following me on Twitter. It was probably good to realize that I can’t keep my teaching and writing selves TOTALLY separate, as I would like. But while I don’t want my students to know all the dark details of my alcoholic past, I don’t see any reason to hide the fact that I’m sober.
  5. What’s new in your sober life? Or not sober life? I’m trying to catch up on my reading backlog but fear it’s overtaking me . . .